Archive for the ‘musings’ Category

As my train pulled into the Mumbai Central station, I felt a stab in my heart. This time around, there is no one to pick me up. And how I hate that feeling. It makes me feel somewhat lost. And the journey not quite worth it. But well.

I was moving towards the Taxi stand when I though to ditching it and taking the Local instead. Sun was high and bright though somthing seemed different today. The city seem to be unwelcoming. Is it like that with every soul that wonders to this city to find a place for itself. Dont think so, I scrap my own thoughts.

Maybe its just that the city brings some sour memories back to the surface. Picking on scabs. one might say. Time. I need some time. Till it stops bothering anymore.

Its a strange city. It cradles you as easy as it kicks you in the butt. Though I have been here for almost two years now and the city is now a part of me, I am not quite a part of the city yet.

Wait is till the evening now. There shall be some drinking involved. =)

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Sometimes I do wonder if loving anyone at all is worth it, even a bit. I mean, you give it all you’ve got. Love. Forgiveness. Anger. Hate. Expectations. Space. Tolerance. And the likes. You do stuff that you usually wont do for anyone else. You suffer. You cry. You put on a face. Et al. Going completly crazy to see just that one little smile on your loved one’s face. You change. You adjust. You accept. And hopefully so does your loved one. But even if they dont, you somehow accept it. And dont really pay attention to that faint ‘why’ that your brain asks you.

All this for what?! Yea, you have fun while its still there. Great moments. Memories to die for. Memories that make you smile when you think that the world is a dark, dingy place. That perfect something to lift you up. Just a phone call or a hug or a smile makes you feel better.

But in the end, everyone leaves. Either they find someone better or they change and become someone completly different or they simply die on you.

And then what are you left with? Those memories that once were your treasured possessions and now just a reminder that its no more. Or those silly/thoughtful/random gifts that now you don’t know what to do with them. Or just the pages of your diary that so intimately know exactly how much it meant.

Is it really worth it? Thats something I constantly question as I am still trying to get over my 2-year-long relationship that just ended as abruptly as it started. And perhaps, thats one question I will never find an answer to.

But one thing I know for sure, in the end…its just YOU who sticks with you.

Story of a moment

Posted: February 25, 2011 in musings, poem, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

The empty street is a blink,
reminds me of a thing or two,
about us.

What thing?
parallel thoughts run in my head
buzz abuzz
Bees, grease, shadow of a ghost.

Come here,
give me a hug,
maybe a kiss or two
And we will be good.

I feel starting an entry is the hardest. It takes me the longest to write that first line. Guess I am not that skilled, YET. I am on the road. And yes, I am improving.

A dyslectic copywriter, who cant get a single spelling right. HAHA! Thank god for spell check. You made my dream come true! or well, atleast – I am on the road. Towards it. (its a long LONG journey ahead)

I am in the office like any other morning. I have nothing to do . Like any other day. I wonder everyday whether I made the right decision. I am wondering it right now. Dreams too have some unpleasantries. (I silently thank spell check again)

Endless possibilities. Still awaits me. This god damn weather makes me sooooo f-ing lazy. No, its not funny. I am not laughing. Though, I do feel like taking a nap. *yawn*

I muse if living in past memories is the right thing. I have soo much free time on my hands that the past memories have started haunting me. Oh well, who am I kidding, its me who has been stalking them. Maybe its the 2-weeks-before-my-birthday effect.

Strangely enough I feel quite pensive today. I need to take a trip. To somewhere . To someplace. The other trip would work too. But I don’t see it happening. If you know what I mean. *sigh*

I am happy that I am living like I always imagined. I am unhappy coz the work part isn’t satisfying enough. Every one says, enjoy it while it lasts. I cant wait for it to get over. Laziness isn’t good. Not for me. NOT AT ALL.

While I re-read my post, (thanks to copy checking, its now a habit) it reminds me of the times when I travel by road glued to the window seat. Soo much to see. And before you can observe and absorb it, its gone. Like flash. Like spark. Like vision. Reality? Figment of imagination? WHAT! … This post doesn’t really make any sense. I just needed to rant I guess.

…There are moments. And then, there are some more…

The merciless rain falls outside,
There is a thunder brewing in the distance
Pair of blank eyes peep outside the window,
They too have a story to tell
—————–

The sky speaks to me today
It sings the songs of love
Like blessings floating in the air
A pair of hearts longing in despair

—————–

Are these tears,
Or tiny diamonds my love,
A happy soul’s sorrowed ache,
Or a gloomy hearts gleam

—————–

The gentle wind that blows
Keeps the demons at bay
I wonder what happens
When you too, dear friend, betray

—————–

The ocean twists and churns,
it too had anger hidden inside,
Its not a day for mercy,
The heavens stand witness
Of this furious play

—————–

A warm embrace
A gust of cold wind
Sent of sweet love
The heaven surrounds you in

—————–

A hand longing to be held,
A pair of lips quivered,
Alone a heart wept
Alone a heart wept…

—————–

Out of all the rubbish blabber that constantly escapes my mouth, I sometimes let go of some so genius statements that they make perfect quotable quotes. (Ahem, well, a lil self appreciation never killed anyone…or did it?!)

One of my pure genius moments was shared with Riddhi, 4 o’clock at night (the next day, mind you was a very important presentation) when (according to Riddhi) in a deep hoarse voice I said, “Riddhi, Love happens when you are totally jobless”…!

Well, think about it. If you are in love, think of the moment you fell in love. When in the very typical fairytale way, the world became blurry and all you could see was the love of your life. You gasped to catch your breath and a voice inside you said “This is it! I am in love!” (You sure had enough time to build that oh-so-perfect-moment). If you are not in love, think why you aren’t in love. If you are to reply, that you haven’t found the right one- you obviously aren’t looking hard enough – and that is because, yes its true, YOU ARENT JOBLESS!

You need time to fall in love, right from the first date to the moment you realise that you have actually, finally managed to fall in love (congratulations for that) requires a lot if investment. Investment in terms of time, money, thoughts and face it, dedication! You aren’t, after all, allowed to hitch more fish in the sea.

But then, you must be thinking, what happens when love happens, and god forbid, work too? Loves goes for a toss? Or work flies out the window?

Well, for that, I need another random 4 o’clock musing with Riddhi.