Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Lost and not yet found

Posted: June 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

It was early in the month of March. Location – Juhu, Mumbai.  One of those typical days when my roommates had gone off to sleep and I was enjoying the momentary peace, sitting by the window. I was lost somewhere so deep in my thoughts that it was becoming difficult for me to keep a track of them. And then like someone clubbed me in the head, it struck me that I am not half as awesome as I thought I would be. Let me rewind a few years.

When I was about 15-16, I was living in small town (Ghaziabad) near Delhi. I was a dreamer. I would often imagine what life would be like when I am older. This is how it was in my head. At the age of 24/25, I would be

  • A performing artist (dancer/theatre actor)
  • Living independently
  • Visit home frequently
  • Earning enough money to travel (frequently)
  • Actively perusing photography as a hobby
  • Content yet ambitious
  • Stunning
  • Somewhat known

Yes, I know we all have stupid expectations from life. But I guess I am still that stupid, for when I snapped back from my flashback, I fell into a bout of depression. This is what my life really was

  • Copywriter (Advertising whore)
  • Struggling to live independently
  • Struggling to manage expenses (forget about having some extra cash)
  • Abusing my body on account of stress
  • Abusing my body in the name of unwinding
  • A no-body struggler in Bombay

It’s true that being in Bombay was a dream and I am still proud that I made it. (Let’s leave that story for sometime else.) I romanticised the idea of struggling in Bombay to make myself a name. Yes, I didn’t mind the struggle because what Bombay gave me was way too precious – Freedom. And I under-used and abused it equally. But it was then that the realization struck me that I was stuck in a rut. And this feeling ate me up for a couple of months.

I decided it was time for a change. And it had to start with the change of the city. I left Bombay with a heavy heart and a strong intuition that I will be back.

I have made other changes too and am in the process of figuring out some more. It’s been about three weeks that I have been back home and not a single day passes when I don’t question my decision. For I still don’t know where I am heading. But I took the plunge. I still don’t know if what I have done is right or not. But somehow it felt that it needed to be done.

 

Advertisements

The state of being.

Posted: April 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

I sit here in a corner off a busy street, under a faint yellow street light as the world passes me by. In a flash. As a constant. So many faces. So many, many voices. And it makes me wonder where do I fit in? Where is that mark with my name on it? is everything a part of the big picture? Is this place really a jigsaw puzzle where thing (eventually so) find their grooves that fit perfectly?

As I sit here, in a corner off a busy street, under a faint yellow street light – I see faces. I see stories- told, untold. And then, I see them. The ones who make me frown. I do recognize them from somewhere. I am positive that I do. And then it strikes you. They were a part of your story. But sadly, you aren’t a part of theirs.

In this moment, as I sit here, in a corner off a busy street, under a faint yellow street light I fail to fathom and loose myself in wonder…

Is it, am I really a part of the plan?

(This was actually written under a faint yellow street light, sitting in a corner off a busy street while I was waiting for a certain someone)

Story of a moment

Posted: February 25, 2011 in musings, poem, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

The empty street is a blink,
reminds me of a thing or two,
about us.

What thing?
parallel thoughts run in my head
buzz abuzz
Bees, grease, shadow of a ghost.

Come here,
give me a hug,
maybe a kiss or two
And we will be good.

I was walking towards my office this morning when, hell late. Well, that’s a usual. There is this ground that I pass that is usually full of garbage or muddy water or some jocks trying to be cool. I usually ignore the site cuz I am always so goddamn late.
And so I intended today. But well, when I got near the ground I heard these PT drums beating and god it reminded me of school. These little girls were bored as hell trying exercise on the beats. And it reminded me of school so bad it wasn’t even funny. I was in my school marching team for 4 years and we had some 5 events every year that fired off with marching bands. We used to practice some 3 hours every day, come rain or shine. Boy, I used to hate it. I particularly remember this time when I was about to faint and this goddamn teacher thought I was faking it. That killed me. It really did. I was ready to slap him. Only, I didn’t. I’m a chicken when it comes to going against teachers. Don’t know why. Anyways, I hated being in the marching team. It’s so useless. And I particularly hated being the flag bearer. I mean it’s not enough to just march on the crumby beats, you for Christ sake had to lead the team.
The entire school hated the marching team. They never saw the point of it. Neither did I. We were always making a fool of ourselves. Bumping into each other all the time. But no matter how much I hated it, when the team opened the goddamn sports day or any damn event, it was swell. Especially when you lead the team to the senior cabin and dip the school flag, the entire staff – including the phony principal and directors, salute you with this ultra proud face. It’s grand, believe me. It really is.
So the entire way to the office I was remembering how grand it all was. I damn near had tears in my eyes. I know it sounds stupid. But I did. Nostalgia can ruin you. Like it ruined my morning.

_____________________________________________

If you guys are wondering why the fuck do I sound the way I am sounding, well, sorry to knock off your socks! I am reading ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ by J.D Salinger these days (I know I am a little late in my age to read the book but then it’s all good 😛 ) and its playing nasty games with my head. It really is. I didn’t admit it until this morning when I was actually thinking just like the narrative in the book. Its soo freaky! It had (I swear to god) never happened to me before!
I am still a little disturbed. And I have my goddanm reasons.

Random laughter day

Posted: December 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

So, its one of those days that I find everything funny. Like:
How crappy my job is.
I have an annoying headache.
I have this very ghati song stuck n my head.
I miss my best friend.
I miss winters.
Bombay is getting chilly. (HAHAHAHA)
I have some work to do but i am procrastinating. (Story of my life)
No one reads my blog.
No one likes my Facebook updates.
My shoe was biting me. (HAHAHA..can you picture it?)
This fucking post is soo random.

I was talking to THIS person and he said its almost one of my traits. This, random-laughter-all-day-long-scenes.

*sigh*

A smile may not always be true,
for a keen eye, its an insider clue…

A mirror’s reflection,
A scandalous deception

A victorious sinner,
A dubious winner

A revenge’s satisfaction,
A genuine consolation

A conflicted mind,
A soul great and kind

A receiver’s delight,
Imagination’s flight

A broken hearts struggle,
A lover’s seductive trouble

A smile that never hides,
Always has two sides.

YOU

Posted: July 29, 2010 in blah, love, madness, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

My hands smell of you. Isn’t that odd?!

Thanks for yesterday by the way, I really needed the madness. It was fun. Like it’s always been.

I miss the dog! Such big brown eyes! Aww…such a darling. I cant wait for the day I pet a dog or a cat. But you already knew that.

🙂

I am still in awe. Your words still ring on my ears…
“Isn’t it awesome that we have been together one and a half-year and still we have SOO much fun all the time?!”

I love you!